Lipstick on a Pig

Is there a soldier in the house with a nice set of shock absorbers and a taut, springy rubber band? And are you putting lipstick on your pig? Whaaaat? I use a lot of analogies and metaphors when I train my clients. They all know that if I bark “SOLDIER!,” I want their torso tall and tight, chest out shoulders back. Here are a few of my favorites that I use to make people understand why I do what I do. Part of my job as a trainer is to educate. Any trainer worth his salt should be able to provide a good workout. That’s the easy part. The bigger challenge, from my perspective, is to get my clients to understand the human body and its movement, how everything is connected. Once that light comes on, then their function, performance and appearance will improve AND they'll know why! RUBBER BAND – I use this one often, probably because it’s the most applicable. Your muscles really are like rubber bands and the more that they can stretch, the more power they can generate. The body simply can’t be explosive if its muscles are unable to elongate. Also, tight muscles also are going to fatigue a lot quicker because they’re not operating efficiently. If you’re running and your hip flexor is stretched to 75 percent of its capacity each time you lift your leg to 90 degrees while mine is stretched to 50 percent and reaching the same position, think how much more energy you’re expending with each stride. Now tell me who’s going to fatigue first. And who’s likely to have greater stride length and frequency and therefore be faster? Furthermore, tight, inflexible muscles often lead to postural imbalances and injuries. For instance, if your chest muscles are very tight (which could be through inactivity or through over-activity (e.g. guys’ tendency to do too much chest and not enough back), eventually that tightening of the pectoral muscles will pull the shoulders and upper back into a rounded position (kyphosis). I’m sure you’ve seen a muscle-bound guy who is hunched over because all he does is chest press. That’s not a good look, Neanderthal man. “Be a soldier!” So along with having a balanced ratio of pulling and pushing exercises, make sure that your routine includes stretching and multi-planar movement to open up the body. HOUSE – Think of your body as a house – one that you’re going to live in FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. When a house is built, do they start with the exterior and then install all the supporting structures? That would be asinine, yes? But so many people want to focus on the exterior, the mirror muscles, but their structural beams are made out of balsa wood. Or infested with termites. They covet the often glamorized six-pack and couldn’t care less about the far less sexy core stability. That, if I can use another analogy, is like putting lipstick on a pig. You have to build your body inside-out. If not, you might build your superficial muscles and look good and feel fine for awhile. But like a house built on a faulty foundation, sooner or later, you and your poorly constructed body will come crumbling down. Trust me, I’m speaking from first-hand experience on that. SHOCK ABSORBERS – Your glutes really are shock absorbers. But only if they’re working properly. I’ve elaborated on this in my “Get your butt in gear” blog and I’ll touch upon it again because strengthening your glutes is crucial. The gluteus maximus and medius have many functions: help extend the hips, decelerate spinal flexion, decelerate knee flexion and internal rotation of the knee. They’re capable of producing – and absorbing – a lot of force. As you walk, - and especially as you run and jump – your body takes a tremendous pounding. When you jump, your body has to absorb as much as five times your body weight upon the landing. That force has to go somewhere, and weak, inefficient glutes will lead to your lower back and your knees absorbing the brunt of it. Two clients this week volunteered that they’re feeling their glutes and their powerful contractions more than they ever have. I love hearing that as much or more than a client telling me that she lost five pounds. Other than your quads, your glutes are the body’s strongest muscle – and in my humble opinion – the glutes are far more important. QUILT – This is closely associated with the rubber band analogy. If I have a quilt that has a pull in the upper right corner, it’s inevitable that there’s going to be a ripple effect in my yarn all the way down to bottom left. Once that happens, your muscles’ firing pattern has been compromised, which will lead to lower force production, compensation patterns, and possibly injury. It boils down to this: it’s all connected. For instance, if you have an injury or a weakness in your left foot, knee or hip, eventually your right shoulder probably will be affected. Why? Your body basically works in an X pattern: your left hip and right shoulder typically work in conjunction: think throwing a football, swinging a tennis racket or simply bending down to pick up something (you plant with the left foot – loading the hip and glute - and reach with the right hand. Even if the problem is as small as your big toe, that’s going to affect your ability to transfer ground forces up through the calf, into the leg, up to the hip and through the torso. It’s a domino effect. Your muscles are connected by a web of fascia that runs throughout your body. Just as your strength training should comprise of mainly integrated, not isolated, exercises, incorporate some integrated stretches that target multiple body parts and lengthen the entire fascial line, i.e. your quilt. There you have it, people. I know, like my last blog, that this is not necessarily a sexy column that will make you say Wow! But I hope it makes you think and look a little deeper into your regimen, beyond the often superficial sexy. So build your house. Stretch your rubber bands. Check those shock absorbers. And stop putting lipstick on your pig. SPREADING THE HEALTH! ROBERT HADDOCKS is a certified personal trainer through the National Strength and Conditioning Association, and the National Academy of Sports Medicine; and is a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist through the NSCA. Send any questions to robhadd@hotmail.com or call 404-317-4666.